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18 May 2009 @ 12:41 pm
A lesson I'm still working to learn  
nalohopkinson writes: "[T]he first time that someone tromps on your foot, you might politely ask them to stop doing it. By the thousandth time, you're just going to bellow at them, even if they didn't do it on purpose. Because by the thousandth time, 'I didn't mean to do it' starts to look a whole lot like, 'I don't care enough about you to pay attention'. It's even more infuriating to be told, 'You must be nuts. I didn't step on your foot, and you need to apologise to me for even daring to suggest that I did.'"

Read the whole thing.
 
 
 
biomekanicbiomekanic on May 18th, 2009 08:37 pm (UTC)
Currently a bad URL
Just letting you know.
David D. Levinedavidlevine on May 18th, 2009 10:06 pm (UTC)
Re: Currently a bad URL
Apparently it went down right after I posted, but it's back now.
Allan: Bravoallanh on May 18th, 2009 09:44 pm (UTC)
That...was one of the most brilliant essays I can remember reading in a long time.

Thank you for the pointer!
scarlettinascarlettina on May 18th, 2009 10:11 pm (UTC)
Wonderful essay. Great way to get someone else's very different perception.

On a related subject (not perhaps as weighty, but of interest to me as a woman and a media junkie), Nalo mentions the coded sexism in "Bewitched." What she didn't mention (and may not know) was that the series was based on an entertaining but clearly dated Jimmy Stewart film called "Bell, Book and Candle" which had a far worse message encoded. In the film, the main female character loses her powers completely when she falls in love. They stay gone even after he leaves. In this way, "Bewitched" is actually subversive. The woman keeps her power, frequently uses it to protect her man, and passes that power on to their children who use it with abandon, demonstrating that no amount of denial will eradicate a power too seductive and too useful to live without.

Maybe I'll write a post about that. Hm...
Nalo Hopkinsonnnaloh on May 18th, 2009 10:30 pm (UTC)
Oo! I didn't know that! Thanks for the info!
scarlettina: Book lovescarlettina on May 18th, 2009 10:41 pm (UTC)
Oh, hi! Glad to be of service. :-)

Nice to meet you finally (even if it's virtual), after years of hearing about you and reading your stuff. Betsy Mitchell is an old friend of mine from way back, and I remember her being all excited about you when she found your first book. Hope we'll cross paths IRL at some point.
scarlettina: Movie tixscarlettina on May 18th, 2009 10:46 pm (UTC)
I should also note, just for the record, that despite the film's messages about women, I still enjoy the hell out of it. No one can look as instantly, brilliantly befuddled as Jimmy Stewart and no one has ever looked as hot as Kim Novel in a black, skin tight dress with tiger-spotted cape. Oh. My. God. :-) And Hermione Gingold and Jack Lemon are priceless.
mcjuliemcjulie on May 19th, 2009 04:17 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the link. That's a great essay.