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05 July 2009 @ 07:44 am
Levine vs. Scholes mud wrestling strategies  
kenscholes has suggested that he and I mud-wrestle for the Endeavour Award, and I've been giving the idea some thought. Not that I'm actually thinking about doing it, mind, but I have been applying my writer brain to the question of how such a battle might be won if it were to actually take place. (Ill Met in the Arena, indeed.)

I'm quick and agile and pretty strong for my size, but Ken has a big advantage in reach and mass. We're both really smart, but neither of us (so far as I know) knows squat about fighting.

My guess is that I could dodge just about anything Ken could throw at me, but in order to win I would have to move in and engage, and once I did he would eventually get his hands on me and then it would be all over. In mud wrestling there are no weapons to level the playing field, and with Ken's brains I can't expect to outsmart him. I honestly can't think of any way I could beat him.

How do you think such a battle would go? What would you do to win if you were in my position? Play fair, now.

(Mind you... I won the Great Pool Noodle Battle but lost the Campbell Award to Jay. Maybe losing the mud wrestle to Ken is my best strategy to win the Endeavour.)
(Anonymous) on July 5th, 2009 03:40 pm (UTC)
Mug Fighting
Take a crash course in the Martial Arts Aikido.
aka Twitter's TheTerrierGuy
crazysoph: white pajamascrazysoph on July 6th, 2009 01:41 pm (UTC)
Re: Mug Fighting
Or perhaps ju jitsu - they work more habitually closer to the floor (despite the presence of knee-walking techniques, suwariwaza, in aikido) and some of the stuff I witnessed looked a lot more likely if one is also grappling while covered in mud.

Crazy(and figuring that mud would just make too many of the grips she knows slip... or maybe that should just be as an exercise for improving her technique??)Soph

PS also voting for the entertainment of the spectators. *evil grin*
jens_firejens_fire on July 5th, 2009 03:44 pm (UTC)
Ooh, ooh! Can there be jell-o, too?! Anyway the battle went would be greatly entertaining for all of us. If I were in your position, well, I wouldn't play fair. :)
David D. Levinedavidlevine on July 5th, 2009 03:57 pm (UTC)
I'm shocked, shocked! Suggesting I cheat when battling the Father of your Children?! Whose side are you on??

So which would be better, thumbtacks or the garrote?
jens_firejens_fire on July 5th, 2009 04:20 pm (UTC)
Oh, no. I think you BOTH should fight dirty. More entertaining that way. :) And as Ken often tells me during football season, no matter who wins, I win either way. :)
David D. Levinedavidlevine on July 6th, 2009 05:39 am (UTC)
How come he gets to fight dirty when he's already bigger than me? ::pout::
Elizabeth Colemancriada on July 5th, 2009 06:36 pm (UTC)
>>If I were in your position, well, I wouldn't play fair. :)

Personally, I'm imagining there would be much beard-pulling on both sides. In which case, I suspect David is at the disadvantage.
barbhendee on July 5th, 2009 03:46 pm (UTC)

I think if we tossed the very scrappy Kay Kenyon in there . . . you'd both be toast.

David D. Levinedavidlevine on July 5th, 2009 03:57 pm (UTC)
Ha. I'd snap her like a twig.
Ken Scholeskenscholes on July 5th, 2009 03:55 pm (UTC)
We would be utterly doomed if Kay were tossed into the mix!

Does it alarm anyone else that my darling wife has already suggested swapping out the mud for jello?

Of course, I know several ways that David could whoop me in the ring, but I'd lose all competitive advantage were I to reveal them.

David D. Levinedavidlevine on July 5th, 2009 03:59 pm (UTC)
Actually I would prefer jello. It's so much easier to see what's going on.

And don't use that hackneyed "I have just thought of a marvelous proof but this margin is too small" line on me. A Real Man would fess up about his weaknesses to make it a fair fight!
Ken Scholeskenscholes on July 5th, 2009 04:11 pm (UTC)
Ha! Never!
David D. Levinedavidlevine on July 5th, 2009 04:13 pm (UTC)
Look over there! Squirrel!
jens_firejens_fire on July 5th, 2009 04:22 pm (UTC)
*feigns innocence* Who me?
Timapparentparadox on July 5th, 2009 04:17 pm (UTC)
Rah, rah, ree, kick him in the knee.
Rah, rah, rass, kick him in the other knee.
jerrykaufman on July 5th, 2009 04:35 pm (UTC)
Remember how the match between me and Andy Hooper ended at Corflu.

However, the fix was in on that one.
S-47/19-Jshsilver on July 5th, 2009 04:56 pm (UTC)
A thin layer of olive oil under the mud will make it more difficult for him to get a grip on you. Use the Extra Virgin stuff.
csinman on July 5th, 2009 05:24 pm (UTC)
I couldn't be in your position because I wouldn't play fair. The bastard is already expecting twins--he doesn't need any more kids, if you know what I'm saying.
spencimusprimespencimusprime on July 5th, 2009 08:15 pm (UTC)
Ken's getting his spermy spumes snipped, as I recall. Why not just buy a handy "Home Vasectomy Guide" and perform the operation right there?
csinman on July 5th, 2009 08:20 pm (UTC)
Spence has a point! David, you could win the match and save Ken the cost of expensive surgery!
M.K. Hobsonmkhobson on July 5th, 2009 06:59 pm (UTC)
I'm thinking the Wu-Shu Pinky Hold. Ska-doosh!
awriter: Ooh yeeeeessss...awriter on July 5th, 2009 07:05 pm (UTC)
I honestly can't think of any way I could beat him.

Is he ticklish? *griiiins*
kzmillerkzmiller on July 6th, 2009 04:34 am (UTC)
Dive at his ankles just before the bell rings to start and hope for the best.
David D. Levinedavidlevine on July 6th, 2009 05:40 am (UTC)
But if he falls on me, it's all over!