July 5th, 2009


Levine vs. Scholes mud wrestling strategies

kenscholes has suggested that he and I mud-wrestle for the Endeavour Award, and I've been giving the idea some thought. Not that I'm actually thinking about doing it, mind, but I have been applying my writer brain to the question of how such a battle might be won if it were to actually take place. (Ill Met in the Arena, indeed.)

I'm quick and agile and pretty strong for my size, but Ken has a big advantage in reach and mass. We're both really smart, but neither of us (so far as I know) knows squat about fighting.

My guess is that I could dodge just about anything Ken could throw at me, but in order to win I would have to move in and engage, and once I did he would eventually get his hands on me and then it would be all over. In mud wrestling there are no weapons to level the playing field, and with Ken's brains I can't expect to outsmart him. I honestly can't think of any way I could beat him.

How do you think such a battle would go? What would you do to win if you were in my position? Play fair, now.

(Mind you... I won the Great Pool Noodle Battle but lost the Campbell Award to Jay. Maybe losing the mud wrestle to Ken is my best strategy to win the Endeavour.)